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Life in Scribbles

I started writing this one evening, while sitting at a seminar and feeling lost. I wanted to lay it all out in words, to comprehend my own confusion. As it turned out, I kept writing the whole day as I did not feel it was complete and thus, churned out such a long poem. I ha so much fun writing it; it is my entire thought process, combined with my love for the English language and poems.

By this time, you might have realised as I have done, that most of my poems rise out of my melancholy and are about my actions, feelings, and thoughts. But, these are also universal concepts and I hope you can see yourself in my words, relate to them and feel unburdened. If you can, I shall consider my purpose fulfilled.

Happy Reading!

There are scribbles inside me
Tangled and confused
Discrete and separate.
They look grey
Locked with nary a way
To become thoughts
That are not in knots.

Scribbling on paper 
Might sort them later.
Random words, here and there
Console and comfort, everywhere.
 
These scribbles inside me
That I ramble and dabble
A life to breathe in
A space to breathe out
To pause and observe
To flow and feel
To love and live.

Till I find the light
Till the end is near
These scribbles should be enough
To keep warm, to be calm.
A strange way indeed
For randomness to clear chaos.

But maybe, just maybe
Stubborn spontaneity
Is the cure, to fight the need
To be rigid and sure.
Jump dance and shout
Paint sing and smile.

For-
Life, is incredibly fragile
But beautifully intricate.
Life, is lived in the details
Mundane moments and-
Scattered memories
Still, seamlessly synchronised.
 
So, maybe, just maybe
These scribbles inside me
Create a canvass, uniquely me.

A kaleidoscope
Of light and shadow
Colours and sounds.
A universe
Of stillness and motion
In time and station.
 
A girl 
Of smiles and sadness
Words and verses
Of magic and mysteries
And romantic theories
Of simple realities
And unknowable infinities.
 
A girl
Blessed and wounded
Whimsical and practical
Passionate and cautious
A cauldron of opposites
That clash and coexist.

 A girl 
So singular and yet myriad
In all forms and shades
In the present and past
In the future forecast.
 
There are scribbles inside me
Forever long, floating along
Could be a specter,
Of buried dreams;
Or a wraith, light and graceful
Holding the hopeful
To guide the ride.
Sometimes crazy 
Sometimes dry
And yet-
Always worth another try.

An Afternoon’s Dilemma

Some days,
I glow with happiness
Fleeting but peaceful
Some days,
I sob with sorrows
Always there - pointed knives and arrows.

Fleeting moments, perennial pain
Personal gain, or in vain?

Question of a lifetime
Solution at the closing rhyme
The prize of the maze, unseen in the haze
Forever a mystery, hidden in history.

Seeking answers - crossing times and tides
Skies and stars as guides
A purpose and meaning
Still, will I learn anything?




The Fallen Mask – Midnight Musings (#4)


I wrote this poem to confront my own lack of courage and feeling like a failure. Putting those feelings into words helped me realise that, I had to stick with my current path for just over a year and then, I can explore other avenues of adventures in my life. But, when I wrote this, I was a complete disappointment to myself.

And, I think many people can relate to that feeling: when you know you have to just let go of something, but you just can’t. The reasons may be legitimate but you still feel a sense of anticlimax. This is for all those depressing times.

We don’t have to always have optimistic views, we can also pen down sadness. It helps process our abstract feelings in a tangible form.

I am a coward
Living a miserable life
Doing nothing to mend this strife

Quitting is an option
But - will this pass as a motion?
Wondering through the night
What if I end it outright?

But - the coward that I am
Unbearable though this might be
I am a useless skittish midget
Who does nothing but fidget.

Midnight Musings (#1)

I started writing poems as a way to understand myself; to put my jumbled thoughts into lines of clarity. It has helped me sometimes; at other times, it results in me trying to solve a puzzle of random words to give them a semblance of meaning and purpose. So, here goes: the first one I wrote while struggling to sleep, with my anxiety poking at me, at midnight.

In the stillness of my room
In the darkness of the night
Where, except for the fan
There's not a sound in sight

The terror I did not know existed within me
Roared awake like a beast
Puffed up like yeast
My life ran 'fore my eyes live
Oh my demons eat me alive!

Paper Towns

Is life a constant battle in these paper towns/cities? Can we possess greatness and happiness at the same time? Or is one elusive while we hold onto the other? Read the article and let me know your thoughts in the comments below. 

I liked Paper Towns (a book by John Green, of the Fault in our Stars fame), mainly because I could relate to it. It reminded me of Singapore. Whenever I walk, go on a bus in Singapore, and I see the sprawling HDBs, I think of the million lives that are living their stories right now, inside every apartment. A thousand heroes and she-roes, all braving through life, fighting personal wars that we can never imagine. A thousand mundane everyday things that make up our lives, like cooking, going to work, talking with friends. I am intrigued by all these stories. I want to know what is happening to everyone.

Image result for mount faber
Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/eustaquio/4976552536

While house hunting, we came across an apartment owned by an old lady, who did not speak English. The view from the balcony was amazing. But, the house in itself was nothing to speak about. It was decent, mind you. But, the house was full of things, every space covered. The kitchen was full of tin cans of food. We clearly could not live there. But, thinking back, what was her story? Owning an apartment in Singapore is quiet a big deal. But, why is she alone? I would like to know the details. I am always interested in the details, because humans are so varied and so similar at the same time. Our lives are made up of these rich details that we may not find incredible but may be unique to so many others. All our stories are connected globally, but are different in terms of culture and surroundings. Did she struggle all her life to buy that apartment or was she a well to do person who had had no hardships in life? Those kinds of people are rare. But, I do not envy them. I think, hardships make our lives interesting. Otherwise, we would be bored to death living the same life every day.

All our lives are colourful and bright, if only we could see them as an outsider. We should appreciate what we have got, the people, the work, the house, the food, etc., instead of just wishing for more. But, what do we have in life, if we don’t keep wishing for more, whatever it be, money, adventure, happiness, love, friends. Maybe, the answer lies in the balance: In between too little and too much. Lucky are those who are able to identify that in-between place and stay inside them. Maybe I sound placid and not ambitious. But too much always brings in a myriad of problems, requires great sacrifices and loneliness.

So, what do you want? Greatness with sadness or humble happiness and success? I think we spend our entire lives figuring out the answer to this question. We can only hope we live full lives while finding out the answer, which is elusive rather than obsessing over it and losing what little time we have on this beautiful, beautiful planet/universe with the lovely, lovely people we know and love or shall meet and love.

Uncertain Relationship QuotesSource: homesecurity.press/quotes/uncertain-relationship-quotes

 

La La Land – To those fools who dream!

The beauty of cinema lies in its ability to capture and visualize the needs and depths of human nature. The formidable task is made simpler and more effective by the use of hauntingly beautiful music that gives the picture the breath of life. I realised this when I watched La La Land, a breathtakingly beautiful movie by Damien Chazelle. His last movie, Whiplash made me realise I liked and appreciated music that brought tears to my eyes. La La land’s theme is sufficient to reinforce this feeling. City of Stars is an enchanting piece of music that grinds up a whole gamut of emotions inside me. It gives one the feeling of levitating in the sky, at the same time grounding you with its raw melancholy. The movie enthrals you with its cinematography. You feel whatever the protagonist feels: hope, fear, despair, happiness, shock. The movie makes you think. What are we really after or what are our dreams? Is it the career we want, the position in life we desire, or simply love from someone else? Is it possible to obtain all the three? What are our limits? What sacrifices do we make to be who we are; to get to where we are? Is it worth it? All of us ponder these questions from time to time but which one of us gets it right? Only time will tell.

Image result for la la landSource: Google Images

P.S.: Yayyyy!!!! You are here:) Thank you for reading my first ever blogpost. This is a new journey that I am embarking on and I hope you liked this piece as much as I loved writing it. A huge shout out to one of my best friends Sindhu Paramasivam for sponsoring this blog and for her endless enthusiasm and support in making my dreams come true. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart ❤