Star-pockets: a toast to love, life and Korean dramas

A mother advises her daughter on a Korean drama I watched, that, marriage will  never be easy. She says, “Collect your happy and bright moments like stars and store them in your pockets, so that, whenever there are bad moments, you can look at your star pockets and receive  comfort from them”. The whole drama was like a book, comforting, in small doses. But, what I have also realized through this is that, life is never easy and that star pocket principle applies to everyday moments too.

I and my two best friends used to go to the beach in the evenings, lie on the sandy shores on our bags and just stare at the moon and listen to the small sound of the waves. That was 4 years ago. Now, we live far away from each other. Life is running its course and those moments, that shined so brightly, I may never experience them again. I remember their sparkle and the warmth but where do I go now, for the same warmth and comfort? Life looks bleak, if I think of it like that. But, the most wondrous thing is that those memories bring  forth a smile even now, and even though it is not happening right now, it is enough to tide me over.  Life becomes bittersweet, if I think of it like this.

There are many instances or examples of life being a bittersweet journey. My parents’ youth is one such. My dad is going to be 60 this September, i.e., in a few weeks. I remember him pushing me on the swing, decades back. That is one of my earliest memories. He was 35 then. Where have all those years gone by? I don’t remember. It all seems like a blur and I feel I am doing him a disservice by not remembering the distinct passage of time. I still don’t feel like he is going to be 60. Although he is world weary at times and wisdomous due to the years lived, he still holds idealistic hopes and has humour and heart. He is my father, my strength, my fall-back person, the constant that will always be present. But, what do I do when he is getting old? I am his kid and I love him too, in my own way. But, I am selfish and I will need him, always. How do I or how do we get over this? The answer, a different Korean drama tells me, lies in gratitude. Here, a character narrates that, time will pass and so, there is no use in holding back and having regrets later. So, the narrator says, “tell your loved ones, when you have this time, now, that you love them and say thank you”.

So, I say, I love you, to my parents, my brother, my friends, K-dramas, and a huge thank you for their love that’s kept me sane all these years, through thick and thin. As I kept writing, this has become a tribute post to my loved ones, although I always assumed it would be a more cheerful piece. But, I realise I am growing old and world-weary as well, and every lens is tinged with a bit of nostalgia, despite looking forward to greater  adventures. Love and peace, everyone!

PS: Go on, open up to your loved ones. Express your appreciation, let them know how much they mean to you and how, they make this short existence, a worthwhile one!

Life in Scribbles

I started writing this one evening, while sitting at a seminar and feeling lost. I wanted to lay it all out in words, to comprehend my own confusion. As it turned out, I kept writing the whole day as I did not feel it was complete and thus, churned out such a long poem. I ha so much fun writing it; it is my entire thought process, combined with my love for the English language and poems.

By this time, you might have realised as I have done, that most of my poems rise out of my melancholy and are about my actions, feelings, and thoughts. But, these are also universal concepts and I hope you can see yourself in my words, relate to them and feel unburdened. If you can, I shall consider my purpose fulfilled.

Happy Reading!

There are scribbles inside me
Tangled and confused
Discrete and separate.
They look grey
Locked with nary a way
To become thoughts
That are not in knots.

Scribbling on paper
Might sort them later.
Random words, here and there
Console and comfort, everywhere.

These scribbles inside me
That I ramble and dabble
A life to breathe in
A space to breathe out
To pause and observe
To flow and feel
To love and live.

Till I find the light
Till the end is near
These scribbles should be enough
To keep warm, to be calm.
A strange way indeed
For randomness to clear chaos.

But maybe, just maybe
Stubborn spontaneity
Is the cure, to fight the need
To be rigid and sure.
Jump dance and shout
Paint sing and smile.

For-
Life, is incredibly fragile
But beautifully intricate.
Life, is lived in the details
Mundane moments and-
Scattered memories
Still, seamlessly synchronised.

So, maybe, just maybe
These scribbles inside me
Create a canvass, uniquely me.

A kaleidoscope
Of light and shadow
Colours and sounds.
A universe
Of stillness and motion
In time and station.

A girl
Of smiles and sadness
Words and verses
Of magic and mysteries
And romantic theories
Of simple realities
And unknowable infinities.

A girl
Blessed and wounded
Whimsical and practical
Passionate and cautious
A cauldron of opposites
That clash and coexist.

A girl
So singular and yet myriad
In all forms and shades
In the present and past
In the future forecast.

There are scribbles inside me
Forever long, floating along
Could be a specter,
Of buried dreams;
Or a wraith, light and graceful
Holding the hopeful
To guide the ride.
Sometimes crazy
Sometimes dry
And yet-
Always worth another try.

An Afternoon’s Dilemma

Some days,
I glow with happiness
Fleeting but peaceful
Some days,
I sob with sorrows
Always there - pointed knives and arrows.

Fleeting moments, perennial pain
Personal gain, or in vain?

Question of a lifetime
Solution at the closing rhyme
The prize of the maze, unseen in the haze
Forever a mystery, hidden in history.

Seeking answers - crossing times and tides
Skies and stars as guides
A purpose and meaning
Still, will I learn anything?




The Fallen Mask – Midnight Musings (#4)


I wrote this poem to confront my own lack of courage and feeling like a failure. Putting those feelings into words helped me realise that, I had to stick with my current path for just over a year and then, I can explore other avenues of adventures in my life. But, when I wrote this, I was a complete disappointment to myself.

And, I think many people can relate to that feeling: when you know you have to just let go of something, but you just can’t. The reasons may be legitimate but you still feel a sense of anticlimax. This is for all those depressing times.

We don’t have to always have optimistic views, we can also pen down sadness. It helps process our abstract feelings in a tangible form.

I am a coward
Living a miserable life
Doing nothing to mend this strife

Quitting is an option
But - will this pass as a motion?
Wondering through the night
What if I end it outright?

But - the coward that I am
Unbearable though this might be
I am a useless skittish midget
Who does nothing but fidget.

Midnight Musings (#1)

I started writing poems as a way to understand myself; to put my jumbled thoughts into lines of clarity. It has helped me sometimes; at other times, it results in me trying to solve a puzzle of random words to give them a semblance of meaning and purpose. So, here goes: the first one I wrote while struggling to sleep, with my anxiety poking at me, at midnight.

In the stillness of my room
In the darkness of the night
Where, except for the fan
There's not a sound in sight

The terror I did not know existed within me
Roared awake like a beast
Puffed up like yeast
My life ran 'fore my eyes live
Oh my demons eat me alive!